19.+20.

Chemo 19. and 20. I had at home. 

On the lounge. 

19. was easy. I was by myself. Kids at the grandparents place. I had a quiet weekend. Met friends for warm tea and warm waffles with melting ice creme. Yum!

Then I went to see a specialist for my back pain. To get some medication that helps me properly. Before the pain turns chronic. 

I started the new med's on Monday night. 

Got sick on Tuesday. 

Thought it was a tummy bug. 

Was sick all week. 

20. wasn't that easy. Feeling sick from a bug and having to take chemo on top: not easy indeed. 

Got even sicker. 

Met the new oncologist on Tuesday. 

Was ment to go back for blood tests on Wednesday. 

Couldn't move. 

The oncologist came to my place on Thursday morning to take my blood. 

By Thursday night I was feeling so bad he called an ambulance to drive me to the hospital. 

I spend a week there. 

I had an overreaction to the med's I was given for the pain. 

So they changed the pain relief. 

I'm a little better. But still have to vomit if I don't take my anti-nausea drops...and sometimes just because...

18.

Susi is here. 

She came so we could go to a concert. Jan Delay. Just down the road. And after I'll take my chemo tablet. 

Annika came to babysit and off we went.  

It was great. It was fun. 

And hanging out at home after, with my two friends, made taking chemo like taking any vitamins...easy. secondary. 

17.

This chemo is kinda special. 

It's the first one I'll take at home. 

As a tablet. 

One gulp and done!

Easy as that...

But I'm still a little nervous. 

A friend came staying with me this weekend so I wouldn't be alone. It is a little strange...a little frightening not knowing if I will tolerate it as usual or maybe better or worse. So it's good not to be alone with the kids. 

I started having back pain again. 

Last week. 

The week off. 

I hope this chemo is gonna put an end to it. 

16.

Chemo 16 went very quick and unspectacular...

In. 

Out. 

Home. 

Relaxing. 

Before the storm. Before the girls are home. 

It's just me for the next 6 weeks. 

So today the girls are aloud TV until bedtime and freezer meals for dinner...

Maybe for the whole weekend if I don't feel well actually. 

And next week I can get organised. 

I'm looking forward to it. Finding my own routine. Quiet. 

15.

The 8th cycle of chemo...chemo 15 and 16...

And not ready!

Why is it, that after the 6th cycle I felt so good? So good that I actually felt normal and strong. So good that I managed to forget about the cancer and just enjoy Majorca. 

And after the 7th I felt so weak and tired and nauseous. 

So nauseous that even the week off did not give me enough time to recover. 

If only I could pin down the reason for me feeling so down some chemos, and pretty fine others. I wish I knew why! I could control it a little better! I could enjoy life a little better! And I could organise my days a little better!

I really don't wanna do chemo today! Just don't! But there is no escape. 

Even Mila being home alone with the flu doesn't get me out off it...she is so independent...so grown up...

So here I am...

getting hocked up with the IV...

finding an empty chair...

wanting to relax...

called Mila to see if she was fine...

which sparked one other patients interests as in where I was from as my English was better than the average English you learn at school...

so the talking began...

went from how beautiful Australia is, to love at first sight...

I don't know how it ended up there, but it was funny and entertaining...

14.

Number 14 came around quickly. 

To quickly for my liking. 

Usually I was ready to go again after a week, but this time was different. 

I felt so tired and exhausted and weak and nauseous. Not a good starting point to have another round of chemo. 

I wonder if it really was just from the weekend away. 

Can one weekend exhaust me so much?

So much that all I could do for the week after was stay on the lounge? Sleeping for hours every day? 

The fear is creeping up on me again. The fear that it might be like this every time from now on...maybe even getting worse each time. 

I'm sure there is things I can do to not feel so nauseous. Things to take on top if the Aloxi I've been given through the IV.

But the tiredness? 

13.

Back to reality. Back to chemo. 

After a great time in Majorca. 

I actually managed to forget. Forget the cancer, forget the chemo...

So I didn't mind going to chemo...I wouldn't have minded staying away for longer ether...but I was ready for the next chemo feeling strong and happy and relaxed from the holidays. 

So I was quite surprised I was actually pretty nauseous after. 

Maybe because straight after we went to a big family reunion weekend. 

It was lovely, but exhausting. 

So the week after was spend on the lounge resting and sleeping while the kids were at school.