16.

Chemo 16 went very quick and unspectacular...

In. 

Out. 

Home. 

Relaxing. 

Before the storm. Before the girls are home. 

It's just me for the next 6 weeks. 

So today the girls are aloud TV until bedtime and freezer meals for dinner...

Maybe for the whole weekend if I don't feel well actually. 

And next week I can get organised. 

I'm looking forward to it. Finding my own routine. Quiet. 

15.

The 8th cycle of chemo...chemo 15 and 16...

And not ready!

Why is it, that after the 6th cycle I felt so good? So good that I actually felt normal and strong. So good that I managed to forget about the cancer and just enjoy Majorca. 

And after the 7th I felt so weak and tired and nauseous. 

So nauseous that even the week off did not give me enough time to recover. 

If only I could pin down the reason for me feeling so down some chemos, and pretty fine others. I wish I knew why! I could control it a little better! I could enjoy life a little better! And I could organise my days a little better!

I really don't wanna do chemo today! Just don't! But there is no escape. 

Even Mila being home alone with the flu doesn't get me out off it...she is so independent...so grown up...

So here I am...

getting hocked up with the IV...

finding an empty chair...

wanting to relax...

called Mila to see if she was fine...

which sparked one other patients interests as in where I was from as my English was better than the average English you learn at school...

so the talking began...

went from how beautiful Australia is, to love at first sight...

I don't know how it ended up there, but it was funny and entertaining...

14.

Number 14 came around quickly. 

To quickly for my liking. 

Usually I was ready to go again after a week, but this time was different. 

I felt so tired and exhausted and weak and nauseous. Not a good starting point to have another round of chemo. 

I wonder if it really was just from the weekend away. 

Can one weekend exhaust me so much?

So much that all I could do for the week after was stay on the lounge? Sleeping for hours every day? 

The fear is creeping up on me again. The fear that it might be like this every time from now on...maybe even getting worse each time. 

I'm sure there is things I can do to not feel so nauseous. Things to take on top if the Aloxi I've been given through the IV.

But the tiredness?