9.

9 down, 3 to go. 

For now. 

All comes down to tumor markers and maybe a ct. 

I got a cough liquid and antibiotics for my annoying cough today...and fingers crossed it is 'just' a cough...feeling pretty much like a nutcase fearing every little ache has got something to do with 'C'. 

But my back pain is back a little bit too...not at all bad. I'm not taking any pain relief...not because I'm not trying to, just because it really isn't bad...it's more in the background creeping up on me some times...bringing back the fear as well... 

But my hope and positiv outlook are stronger! Just a little bit, but stronger! And I'm sure if I'm given a bit more time without bad news it's gonna be growing to be much stronger than the fear!

And in case my tumor markers and a ct will show I'll have to keep on going with chemo I'm ok with it. Don't mind it at all! I'm actually most chemo days looking forward to it. Not because of the chemo itself, but because of the beautiful and wonderful place that I can call 'my' hospital! 

It's like going to a retreat in a way. 

Today I even had chemo outside...there is this park bench in a meadow just outside the oncology building...and today we asked if I could sit out there in the sun. And they said sure you can, just stay in the shade most of the time! 

So for the biggest part of it I was outside enjoying the sun and the buzzing bees and fluttering butterflies...with Susi...